Take care to make sure you are not affected by these nasty viruses - they can seriously effect the health of both you and your computer. Although there is no cure for them, you may find that optimism and hope will relieve the suffering. If you hear about any other viruses of a similar nature, please let us know!, please in the mean time use disifectant in 2liter form.
RailTrak virus: causes 92.6% of all files loaded to arrive 20.3 minutes late. Tries to blame this on the wrong sort of magnetism in you hard disk.
Labour virus: tells you not to worry there's no problems, then deletes the entire content of your hard drive, puts up your mortage and sells the cat.
British Gas virus: initially causes a minor irritation, flaring into severe pains when it promises to send two more viruses around next week with the right infection, the two said viruses then develope and multiply until you can't see your front lawn.
British Nuclear Fuels virus: when you delete files they remain on the hard disk with a half-life of 50,000 years and your hard drive glows in the dark.
European Community Legislator virus: after telling you that fish are land-based and carrots are fruit, it tries to convince you that your compact Mac is dangerous because the screen can't swivel and tilt, and your mouse must have two buttons if you live in Wales.
Microsoft virus: there are several lethal and infectious varieties of this virus. Recipients of strain 95 suffer from wild optimism, believing they've almost caught an Apple virus. Best us the DoJ anti-Virus software pack due to be released this September.
Traffic Cone virus: slows down traffic on your SCSI bus. This virus has a tendency to occur on public holidays.
North West Water virus: when you've used two-thirds of your hard disk it tells you there is no more room. Having irreparably wasted the missing space on your hard disk, it has the gall to suggest you to stop using it and switch to floppies. This strain is closely related to the Yorkshire water virus and South West water.
